you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
