My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
