Your mouth is God's brothel.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
