thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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