fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
