You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
