I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
