yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
