I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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