ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
