Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
