My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
