i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My life is pants optional.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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