i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
