I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
