it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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