I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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