I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
