Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
