the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
