a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
