just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize