WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
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I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
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I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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