return my video game
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
