If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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