you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
