Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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