What did we do last night that was yellow?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
