okay pat passed out under dana's car
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize