i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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