I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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