her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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