For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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