The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
