Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
