don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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