He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
