I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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