I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
