I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
