How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
