Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
