I am spending my child support on dildos
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
