Ambien. No doubt about it.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
