So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
