I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
