They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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