WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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