just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
