Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
