I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
