Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
