yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
