I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
