i can't believe i had my finger in that
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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