I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
