just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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