WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
