Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
