I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
