My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
ok first of all what the fuck
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
