I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
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Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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