went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
