my mouth tastes like poor choices
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
