Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This baby is an asshole
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
