which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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